AIG to the World – “Come on back here, I’ll bite your legs off!”

Okay, I'm officially sick of the AIG story.  I'm tired of opening my RSS reader, the local and national papers, watching CNN or any other TV news story, and being subjected to yet another story about AIG and the idiocy surrounding them.  You can't swing a cat without hitting someone weighing in on AIG. 

AIG is like the Black Knight in Monty Python and Holy Grail.  Video to right.  (Note: Not for queasy stomachs – start at around 2:00 minutes.)  No matter what painful blow they sustain, they still find a way to come back and give us all one more thing to hate them for.  Whether it was the initial bailout, bailout Part Duh, the incentive fiasco or the more recent bout of bonuses… I'm feeling like King Aurthur – I just want to get away from it and leave it behind.  I'm just tired of it. 

Don't get me wrong, I think they've done some, stupid, stupid things.  But c'mon folks… can't we say enough and let them just die a ignominious death?

Let's just say this and move on…

• The business fell apart.  They lost.  Next.

• Government should have found a way to let them exit quietly, and finally, rather than put in a feeding tube and hook them up to a ventilator.

• We can all get off our high-horses about the bonuses.  I don't know about you but if someone offered me a few million dollars to hit some goals – I'm going to find a way to hit those goals.  We all think someone smarter than us is driving the boat – so who am I to question the plan?  Go with it and make the money.  Let's not judge these folks who did their job based on the plan their boss put together and they followed.  Don't hate the player – hate the rules maker.

• The entire bonus plan was part of a GOVERNMENT APPROVED PLAN inked a few months back 
  when this thing started.  My blood boils to see our elected lawmakers feign disgust now, when they were the one blessing the arrangement.  It's real easy to deflect blame by calling out the recipients of these bonuses as the bad guys.  Hey – they're the recipients – not the designer.  Let's go after the Dr. Evils – not the minions.

• Retention bonuses for those that weren't retained?  Gimme a break, my kid could have figured that one out.  Ever wonder why incentive programs and bonus/commission programs get such bad press?  Here's the number one reason – people designing them that don't know what the definition of "unintended consequences" is.  Next time – give me a call.  I can show you where the loopholes are in any compensation or reward program and I'll only charge $1 million (not the trillion+ we're looking at now.)  Pure amateur hour.  We'd have been better off is we offered "Exodus Bonuses" to get the people OUT of AIG rather than try to retain them.

• The poor choices made by a few poor people are now affecting everyone – even those that did it right and continue to do it right. Allstate just canceled their award trips.  Why?  They were worried about perception.  Gimme a break – as far as I know they're a good company.  They aren't taking bailout money.  They aren't giving retention bonuses to people that don't work there.  If I was a stockholder in Allstate I'd be sending a letter to the CEO accusing them of mismanagement.  Run the damn programs and grow your business, reward your employees, get better talent – make my stock grow.  (oh, wait, that's what got us in this mess right – desire to increase stock value?)

It ain't over either – Mark Cuban had a post on future "unintended consequences" – it's a great post that highlights how these things get rolling and keep rolling.  If you think you're mad about bonuses now… wait a few years and see what happens. 

I realize this is more of a rant than a thoughtful post designed to provide you all with insightful information that can be used to motivate and influence your audiences.  But sometimes you get pushed against a wall and you can't do anything but fight back.  This is my way of fighting back.

Enough!  Please – let's move on – isn't there a company out there that's clubbing seals or killing whales or stealing money from Sally Struthers?  Someone has to be doing something other than being plain stupid.  Can we find those people and focus on them for a while.  I just need to get on to something else. 

It won't have be too long – I'm sure AIG is thinking, in for a penny in for a pound, and they'll be coming out with something even more stupid soon.  Why not?  It will just get lost in the load they've already dropped.